sometimes...
you jus wished that u can jus die... n nt think of anything..
no troubles....
im nt sayin suicide...but rather u wished that something happen to u...
im nt suicidal.. dont worry... jus occasionally think that mayb i shudnt even exist..
i really wanna leave here... and start of somewhere...no choice.. think i gotta finish my degree...
once i finish my deg..i may most likely ask to stay else where... maybe Perth..maybe somewhere else....
went for mambo on wednesday...
it was huiqing's bday... and many of the regulars were there...those that i havent seen for a long time.... michelle went... bon went too....
i had fun nevertheless... but it was different....
i knw the reason and i aint saying... =X
thurs was nt a gd day..
dun knw why i became so short fused....
but i was frustrated... i knw that im nt tat bad... but i cant help but feel inferior at times.... and when i feel that im being compared(it may be out of oversensitivity) i become defensive, fed up and short tempered....i start to be aggresive cos thats the only way i can hide my innermost feeling of inferiority and low confidence...
Thought of a lot of things.. and was v stressed up with studies... Dad asked me " hw do u think u can be better than the others in ur class?"
Seriously.... FUCK LA.... hw the hell do u want me to answer u... that ur son is fucked up and he cant be better? that ur son needs fuckin 2x more time than others to retain the same amount of info in his brain???
i have alot of problems already...cant u fuckin see im tryin to do my best? im tryin to handle so many things.. that i've become crazy.. i think i need a fuckin shrink. why do u want to give me unnecessary stress?? im trying... WHY Does Nobody knws IM FUCKING TRYIN MY BEST IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
you never gave me encouragements...
you rant at me for doing things nt up to ur standard......
what is ur standard?
The mess i am today....is ur fuckin fault... from young till nw.. i never once bounced back... becos of u... u never gave me the encouragement that a young boy needs to get his feet back onto firm ground...
i gt so frustrated that i went for a run at 1 am.... sorry that i had to worry sum1.... but i ran 7km.... i didnt knw where i had the energy to...im usually v lazy ... 3 or 4 km and im quits.. but i ran the whole 7 km... without stopping...and ended up super wet... almost blacked out after that... it didnt help that i had to run into 4 wild dogs that chased me along the way... till i was too fast for them....
end of the day.... what did i achieve...NTH... i wanted to study summore after the run...but i was too fuckin tired.. that i slpt till this morning...so ya here i am...
mood: lousy
Listening to: Sylvester Sim- Xi Wang(Hope)
fisherman's fren: leo ranted @
2:23 PM
2:23 PM
